Emily's Pillow Fetish

Let’s get one thing straight: I have never owned more than two pillows at one time in my life.  Most of said pillows were inherited, and once removed from their cases, were more-than-likely sweat stained and lumpy.  What can I say, pillows have never been more than their function to me.

Enter Emily.  Now it’s like freaking Disney Land exploded all over our apartment.  We have frilly pillows.  We have fluffy pillows.  Brown pillows.  Green pillows.  Pillows for the bed.  Pillows for the couch.  And get this…pillows that are solely for decoration.  I know, you’re probably thinking that I’m behind the times, but this kind of interior design ineptitude is what happens when you live 3 years of your formative years raised with 2 brothers by a father who pumps Domino’s pizza into you three times a week and calls it dinner.  

And nothing could have prepared me for the shock of the pillows.  I’m not even allowed to use them for fights.  Sometimes I think I am in a kind of modern fairy tale where I am supposed to swim through all the pillows and prove my kingly heritage by the fact that the pillows make me uncomfortable.  So then I complain about the pillows.  Emily does not suddenly turn into a princess and whisk me into my new castle.  No, she tells me to suck it up and stop sweating through all the pillow cases.